How to Cope with a Break-up
A break up can leave emotional scars that tend to act up and affect our future relationships if we are not careful. It’s important to survive a breakup without creating any suppressed emotions that can well up later. Here are some steps to follow in order to get over a painful breakup:
- Accept that it’s over – You cannot hope to erase the pain unless you face it head on. The best starting point to getting over a breakup is to first accept fully and completely that the relationship has come to an end permanently and that there is no looking back from here on. If there is even the slightest denial in your mind or heart, there is little hope for a complete recovery. Through denial, you are only going to prolong your suffering.
- Let the tears flow – Whatever your gender, sorrow will lead to tears. Suppressing the urge to cry can lead to harmful side effects. Crying allows the body to expend the suppressed pain and release the negative energy. You will notice a feeling of lightness once you cry through a painful experience. Getting over a breakup can be emotionally draining and it’s important to be gentle on yourself by letting go of the need to control your emotions.
- Get in touch with your grief – One reason why you suffer after a breakup is because of the painful emotions felt in the body. Thoughts translate to emotions and they are felt in the form of physical sensations like a constriction near the solar plexus, tightening of the chest, intense pressure in the arms etc. Bring your attention consciously to these physical sensations and keep it there till they subside. This is a very powerful practice and can help transmute your pain into peace. This may not be easy and you might even feel suffocated by the intense suffering you feel in your body. But if you keep your attention on this feeling for a few minutes, the pain will begin to subside and will be replaced by a sense of peace.
- Question your suffering – After the initial burst of emotions, there is bound to be some calm. This is the time for some clear introspection so that you don’t have to go through this suffering again. Ask yourself, “Can I be sure this break up is a bad thing for me?” or “Can I find at least 5 good reasons why this breakup is a good thing?” It helps to write down the answers instead of just mulling it over in the mind.You will be amazed at sense of relief and peace you will feel if you work through the above questions with an open heart. Be sure to write out 5 reasons even if you find it difficult to come up with even one initially. Self inquiry is the best way to get over a breakup because it eats through all our misplaced thoughts that cause suffering.
- Forgive – There is so much power in true forgiveness that it has the capacity to heal the deepest of wounds. Hate, resentment, anger and spite would be the normal emotions you will feel towards your ex after the breakup. But ask yourself if you are willing to pollute your life with these negative feelings. You can never recover from these feelings fully unless you forgive your ex and yourself for everything that happened. You may get angry reading this but it’s true that whatever happens always happens for the good. That’s why life makes much more sense when looked at backwards. You were meant to have this experience to enrich you and help you grow. Don’t hate anyone for helping you have this experience.
- Open yourself to a new relationship – Life is either one beautiful adventure or nothing at all. Live it in this spirit and open yourself to all the experiences that life wishes to give you. There is a seed of grace in every experience if you just look for it. Don’t close your heart to future relationships but allow yourself to be more loving and open. Suffering creates a depth in our hearts so that we can accommodate more love.
In conclusion, getting over a painful breakup takes time and there will be several moments of suffering and grief. Only through acceptance, inquiry and forgiveness can you turn the pain into peace. This experience will add a depth to your heart and you will come out a better person.